Everytime I make a post about someone I care about, or care for, they end up leaving, and I end up having to delete it.
But anyway, I met this guy named Taylor yesterday, whos absolutely AMAZING!! Haven’t made any further developments, but we talked today, so its been cool.
Not very eloquent tonight, but maybe later.
Well. God is a fish. A goldfish. That’s what Stephen said. Fishanity…and god is a goldfish. Its days like this when I know that the night will end well. Its days like this when I can close my eyes and feel more than pain and bad thoughts. More than nightmares and anguish.
Its days like this when I can easily pick up my violin and play. I can be moved by minuet. For hours at a time, I can feel free and alive. I can sweat and move with music and feel completely natural.
I can coreograph the song “Vogue” by Madonna in less than an hour, as I’ve done so many times. Many wouldn’t think it to look at me, but I idolize Madonna. And Christina Aguilera. OMG, the people on gothopia and darkstarlings would be pissing themselves right now if they read this. But those women have balls…they know how to throw their weight around. Refined arrogance. When they curse its so graceful its like wiping your ass with silk. I want that.
I feel like I can fly today. But I won’t take off…because I won’t come back down.
You know its a love like this
when your reason for living,
is the same you would die for.
And even when it ends,
you live everyday knowing
that things will never really change.
You will still die for the cause
You will still bleed for the cause…
Its all just a matter of when.
And even if its not for love,
its still for what we need the most
and thats trust and sanctuary.
And when they die,
and when they go from us,
we’ll die together.
Maybe not in the way of roses,
but maybe in the way of minds…
thinking the exact same thoughts
as though through a mirror in time.
Differences in sameness
may save us….but still…
Its all going to turn out in the end.
The faeries dance
before my eyes
And in my joy
an exuberant youth
…exbounded…
The rush was
…significant…
but you were real.
All in the name of our love was sacred.
Every word that passed our lips was music.
Every kiss, Every promise, Every lie, Every Pain…
Made you more a part of me.
I could feel you like an endless embrace.
I could feel the love in your gaze.
And everytime I smiled or cried…
I know your heart did the same.
Your emotion was real for the first time
And it was all for me.
When I close my eyes
against starlit skies
When I close off my mind,
and my jaded self conscience…
When I forget everything else…
I see your face
I hear your voice
I feel every shivering fiber of you
Synthetik Romance.
If I had danced,
Wasted just one day in your eyes,
would it make me real?
If I bled just once,
shed just one drop like dew…
would you think me alive?
Breathe for me.
My name is Cari. Not anything else. The only one that’s allowed to call me Carolyn does. He knows who he is.
I love dark. Dark is good. That’s more or less my life most of the time. But not dark like most would perceive it. I write dark. Yes. Very dark. I write about cutting and blood and hate and pain. I also write about love and promise and hope and beauty. You cannot have love and life without hate and death. You cannot have peanut butter without jelly, or Lucy without Ethel.
You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Damn the cake gods.
I’m young. I am not innocent. I’m aware with my eyes closed. I’m in love. I’m gay. Get over it. I’m buddhist. I’m not exactly on the eight fold path to enlightenment right now, forgive me. But all teenagers have to be teenagers eventually.
I’m arrogant and shy. I’m a complete bitch sometimes, but only because I love you. <3 !! I wear a goth’s clothes, have an emo’s heart, an intellectuals frame of mind, a child’s soul, and a deliciously girly figure. Or at least that’s what my mum says. I think she’s smoking crack sometimes.
I hate very little. Homophobs mostly. If you’ve got summit to say about me, go ahead and say it. If you have something to say about either of the two people I love, I will make it a personal goal to hurt you. I know they would do the same for me. Its all about reciprocation. I dislike extreme amounts of violence. I shy away from racism, though if I hear someone crack jokes about a different race, I’ll crack one about them. If they don’t laugh, then they’re close minded and shouldn’t be laughing about anything.
I have two best friends. I only need two best friends. Their names are Sammie and Rachel. They’re the only ones that take my mind off of things. The only ones.
I listen to music. Ha…that was random. I play classical violin and celtic fiddle. I listen to (oh god, here comes the list): Hinder, AFI, MCR, Death Cab For Cutie, Flyleaf, Metallica, Pantera, Marilyn Manson, Cold, Slipknot, Korn, Fall Out Boys, The Cure, The Fray, Madonna, Christina Aguilera, Panic At the Disco, Cradle of Filth, Lacuna Coil, Dixie Chicks (doesn’t that seem out of place) Maroon 5, Natasha Bedingfield, Gnarls Barkley, Chevelle, Nickleback, Mindless Self Indulgence….and a lot of other shit.
I like getting stuck in the rain.
MMM, I like romantic kissing. Melts me everytime. Really romantic though. I like being touched and caressed. I’m every hot blooded woman in the world.
I thrive in my religion. It drives my life and all of my decisions. I do not act like I follow it closely. If you do not think I am faithful, that is not my problem. If you need it verified, you may speak to Terry, Stephen, Brandy, Sammie and Rachel. I either bring it up five times per discussion, or argue with them perpetually about it. And though they may not act it at times *ahem* they have a fair amount of respect for my beliefs.
I’ve said a lot. Holy goodness, I have. That’s more than I usually have to say. Well, I shall probably post more later… lord knows I always have summit to say.
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